lancesalot | (no subject)

(no subject)

Despite finding his resolve, Dimitri still finds himself wide awake and restless. There's a million and one things racing around his head in an endless circuit, and the sheets feel strange against him. He's admittedly still uncomfortable sleeping without the armor on. He'd gotten so used to it, normal clothes make him feel naked. Vulnerable. The touch of the cool stone floor under his bare feet is a relief, a promise that he won't just simply lay here and let his thoughts sweep him out to see.

He lights the candle and hooks his finger into the holder, slipping out into the drafty halls of the monastery.

Originally, wandering without intent, but he doesn't surprise himself when he finds himself standing outside Byleth's door. He doesn't knock. He wants to, but the professor has enough to worry about, and Dimitri has already burdened him with so much of his own turmoil.

But maybe he's also awake? He was a night owl, as he remembers. No- he's probably exhausted. Even if he is awake, there's no need to trouble him with this pointless visit. What is he even here for anyways? He has nothing useful to say, nothing that he hasn't already anyways. The simple fact is that seeing Byleth's face, hearing his voice, just being around him, is soothing.

So Dimitri stands at his door for the next ten minutes or so, wrestling with himself. Silently.

Right. No, he should leave. He's not a child. He's startled when a drip of hot wax hits his hand, spilled from the holder that he was absentmindedly tilting. It doesn't hurt terribly, but it does jar him enough to drop it with a loud TINK!. Scrambling to pick it up, and now balking at the thought of waking the professor like this, as if he just now realized how weird it was to be standing outside someones door for ten minutes, silently.

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It's been awhile since Byleth's kissed anyone, not including the five year gap in his life that he didn't live anyway. Before then, he'd mechanically understood physical affection; kissing feels good. Touching. Embracing. But beyond that, now that Byleth considers it, he doesn't think he'd ever felt this vibrant about it. His breathing a bit faster, his body warmer, and a surge of delight. Dimitri's lips are a bit dry, but all the same it's still Dimitri engaging in this with him. Kissing, touching him. If it had always felt this nice, Byleth would never have stopped at all.

Their hands remain together, but his free one touches the back of Dimitri's neck, a silent reassurance that he adores this. Adores. It feels like so much in his chest that maybe he'll burst. He almost doesn't know what to do with it.

Their lips part, and Byleth hesitates a moment before he's gently touching Dimitri's face to brush away those tears, wanting nothing more than to make sure Dimitri knows he's cared for.

"Do you... want to stay here tonight?"

He really doesn't want it to end. When they part finally, he moves forward a tiny bit, chasing Byleth's lips before he catches himself. He doesn't feel deserving of being this... happy. In this moment. Is he ever deserving of Byleth? He knows he'd probably be scolded for saying something like that. He's probably bright red right now. He wants to wrap himself around this man, right now, but his body is afraid to move, afraid to wake up from this dream.

It must be a dream, right? Byleth touching him, kissing him so tenderly.

The question catches him off guard. There's... implications, naturally. Is there? He won't assume, but it doesn't stop him from truly flushing a deep red from his neck up to the tips of his ears.

"Yes. Please." And every night after, if the Goddess is good.

"I think we could both use the rest."

Though it could be so easy to chase after more than just sweet affection. If kissing and touching could feel this good, then surely more than that would be intensely wonderful. He's curious and wants to know, but it's also only been a short time since Rodrigue's sacrifice.

For now, he thinks he just wants to hold the prince.

Taking Dimitri's hand, he gently guides him to bed.

"And... we can still talk. If you want." Or kiss. Or something.

Yes. Rest. Resting with Byleth. In his bed. Holding each other. He really should find some kind of shame in being this... eager. Instead he allows himself to be led to bed, laying down, he holds his arms open, wrapping the smaller man up against his chest.

"This is not what I intended when I came to your room." He lets a small chuckle slip out. "I am somewhat afraid I am still dreaming, but I dare not wake." The hair is brushed away from Byleth's face softly. "Please tell me that when I wake, you will still be here."

He's never rested with someone like this. Even in moments of intimacy, those moments were short and just a nice distraction. Something to enjoy, but he never felt passionately about. This is remarkably different, his head resting on Dimitri's chest. It's so warm. He could almost cry himself.

"Oh, I thought you were dealing with cats before," Byleth murmurs, teasing. But more importantly:

"I promise. I'll be here."

He earns a laugh. Ah, he's been caught. No use in denying it now. Especially with Byleth laying against him like this. He feels so light. Dimitri strokes a hand over his pale hair, letting his fingers graze against his ear.

"Ah, yes. Of course. The cats." He says amused, "I'm sure they're fine." More importantly, the promise is what counts. He presses another soft kiss to the bridge of his nose.

This is so nice.

He thinks back to what his father had observed, how Byleth had been expressing himself more since he'd become a professor at the academy. How much that his students mean to him, how much he loves them, and how he's been able to express himself just a bit more. Having this with Dimitri is no exception, and... well, they should maybe talk about it at some point.

But as it is right now, they both deserve some sleep. Under Dimitri's lips on his nose, he smiles, closing his eyes, letting himself relax against the other man.

Finally, he does manage to fall asleep. It feels like it's been much too long since he's been able to do so and likely Dimitri has felt the same after all of this time.

He doesn't actually remember falling asleep, but he wakes, rested and warm. Surprised for a moment to find Byleth still in his arms until he remembers the events of last night. It's amazing to wake up like this. Byleth kept his promise.

He squeezes him gently to wake him as well. He looks so peaceful like this, but they should probably part ways before they the rest of the monastery gets up and going. he'd probably get a lot of questions leaving the room if anyone saw him, and the last thing he wants is to start troublesome rumors for the professor.

It's tempting to sleep in, and he considers it a moment as he slowly wakes up. His eyes drift to the two teacups from last night, hardly touched but evidence that it wasn't all a dream. He breathes in, tightens his arms around Dimitri, and eventually relents. It's another long day, but he'll do what must be done so that one day they can have more evenings like what they just shared.

Slowly, he pushes himself up, but pauses to look down at Dimitri. Taking a chance, he leans down and kisses his temple.

"I can get us breakfast," he offers. "If you don't have a busy morning."

Edited 2021-01-31 05:33 (UTC)

Dimitri can't help but smile at that. A meal with Byleth, just like old times. But all the more different now.

"That sounds good." He purrs, catching him and pulling him in for a quick kiss before letting him go. "I'll go get properly dressed and meet you in the dining hall." Hopefully he can slip out quietly.

Unfortunately, as soon as he closes the door he's greeted by the sight of Sylvain and Felix. From the hallway, Byleth can hear the redhead's voice.

"Oh my god?!"

"Seriously?" Felix's voice a mixture of amusement and annoyance.

"It is not what it looks like!" Dimitri barks before beating a quick retreat in the wake of Sylvain's wild laughter.

Ah... Well, he supposes it could be worse, but he hopes that those two don't give Dimitri too hard of a time. Still, better to be teased than for everyone to worry about Dimitri as they have been.

After dressing himself, Byleth checks his schedule one more time before he hesitantly leaves his room. Blessedly, no one is waiting for him outside, so he quickly shuffles away to head toward the dining hall.

Fortunately, he does spot Mercedes, who naturally is chatting with Annette. He approaches, ducking his head a little as he doesn't initiate the conversation but quietly waits for Mercedes to engage.

Which she does with a kind smile. "Professor. What can I do for you?"

"...I wanted to ask a favor. About your baking. Is that okay?"

"Oh, of course." Mercedes beams. "Is there a special occasion?"

"Sort of. I'll elaborate later, but I'd like to have something for this afternoon with tea."

"I'll make sure to delivery something to your room once I'm finished." Mercedes takes his hand and squeezes gently. "You really should get some breakfast for now."

"I will. Thank you, Mercedes."

Dimitri's jaw is clenched until he sees Byleth enter the dining hall. Now clad in his black iron armor, he's still the most imposing presence in the dining hall, but there is a sense of levity about him now.

When he sees Byleth, he raises a hand to him in greeting. It's strange to suddenly need to act normal around him, after what happened. Not that he expects it will be much of a secret very soon. Felix isn't a gossip, but Sylvain? Uhg. It doesn't matter what people say about him, but it will definitely complicate things, and that's not what they need right now.

He doesn't regret it though.

Upon seeing Dimitri, his eyes brighten up and he waves back, a small smile forming on his face. He goes to fetch his breakfast for the morning before he goes to join Dimitri at a table. Usually, Byleth is seen eating with two people, but right now obviously he chooses to join him more privately.

"Sylvain didn't give you too hard of a time, did he?"

"Ah. Not... more than usual." That is to say, yes. Yes a lot. He's not sure if the feeling of eyes on them is just his own worries. Still, Byleth's presence soothes him, and he finds the meal tastes much better than usual. Since when did he feel so hungry? Everything has a rosy hue, despite his best efforts to focus on the things he needs to do, when Byleth is here in front of him, bringing him his favorite food, which he somehow remembered after all these years...

He feels like he's still riding on the euphoria. Naturally that mean's he's been silently, intensely looking at the professor as they eat. He catches himself though and clears his throat.

"I am afraid though, that people may talk. I hope it does not cause you any trouble. I hope that-" Well. That's a conversation perhaps better had in private. What does he hope for? A relationship? He'd been so lost in his feelings he didn't stop to consider where this would go...

"That doesn't really bother me. If anything, I'm more concerned about you. You've been through so much already." Not to mention that Dimitri will eventually be crowned king when this war is over. Does he really need all that attention?

"...Though I wouldn't mind talking about this with you when it's just us. If that's okay."

"Hm. I have been through the flames of hell and back, a few rumors and a bit of teasing is hardly going to set me back." Dimitri assures him.

"Yes, I agree. Perhaps... after today's war meeting, we can steal away and find somewhere private to discuss what we will do with-" A vague gesture, "This."

That's true. And he suspects that despite all of Sylvain's teasing, he does also care immensely, even if he's reluctant to show that sincere part of himself.

A tiny smile plays on Byleth's lips and he nods. "I'd like that." If only to weed out the uncertainty. Even if Dimitri decides to abruptly back out, he couldn't blame him, even if...

Oh. The idea. It actually makes him feel strangely horrible. His chest heavy, aching. That-- that must be heartbreak. He truly hopes it doesn't come to that.

Even the smallest change on Byleth's face does not go unnoticed. Dimitri had gotten quite used to detecting the almost nonexistent shifts of expression that give away his moods. His hand briefly moves to catch the professor's and give a short, comforting squeeze before returning to finish his meal.

"Perhaps my room would be acceptable? Or... somewhere outside the monastery even."

The touch to his own hand is quietly appreciated, even if it was just brief.

"Outside of the monastery might be too dangerous," he murmurs reluctantly, even if that would give them a sense of privacy that even the monastery can't offer them. But he doesn't want to risk any possible encounters with any lingering Empire scouts.

"Your room is fine. I'll come up a little later than you so I don't draw attention."

The way they're talking makes it sound like some kind of dire stealth mission. He can't help but chuckle.

"All right. I'll see you then. Thank you again for breakfast."

The war meeting proves difficult to get through, though he has the sense to focus on what needs to be done, what is important, in the idle in-between moments, he allows his eyes to drift toward the professor next to him. He feels like a damned school boy again, excited to meet in secret to- to what, hold hands? Kiss? They need to discuss what this means to both of them. The excitement in his belly roils with anxiety as well. He has never feared rejection so much.

When the meeting finally ends, he beelines it for his quarters. Even though Byleth won't be there for a while yet. Sitting, waiting, bouncing his knee so much it rattles his whole desk. Damn it. He stands, trying to busy himself, tidy his quarters, adjust his papers several times before giving up and pacing like a caged animal.

Though Byleth has always wanted to just get through the war councils, never before has he felt so anxious for it, wanting to catch those warm moments with Dimitri again. Though it is very well possible that it might be nothing more than last night, but he hopes it will continue. That maybe, it could grow and...

In any case, he slips through the halls, careful as he goes up the stairs to the second floor dormitory. He doesn't think anyone has noticed, but then it's hard to say; he isn't as sneaky as some of the others.

But more importantly, he arrives at Dimitri's door, giving a light knock.

As soon as Byleth's fist knocks once, the door opens, as if Dimitri was standing directly by it waiting for him. Which he was.

"Professor- Byleth- please. Come in." He says stiffly. As soon as the door is closed though, Byleth is pushed against it and Dimitri's lips are on his again, a little more hungrily than the last times. Having to sit all day and do nothing had been frustrating. Pressing himself against him again like this...

He finally breaks away, getting a hold on himself. Right they... need to talk.

"Sorry. I uh- I apologize."

The clearly eagerness from Dimitri quickly squashes away any fears that Byleth might have, but it also startles him how immensely affectionate the prince is with him. Byleth's brows are raised, surprised, but he's enthralled as well. Instinctively, his hands go to Dimitri's hips, even as their lips part.

A bit flushed, but hardly regretful, Byleth says, "I think that was a perfectly fine greeting. But we should... talk, too. All right?"

"Hmmm, yes." He moves aside, allowing Byleth to seat himself wherever he pleases. Dimitri sits himself on the edge of his bed.

"I uh. I just want to begin by saying that I do not regret last night." He makes it sound like they fucked, but all they did was cuddle and kiss. "I know right now is not the ideal time to begin a romance, and our involvement with each other will likely complicate things for the both of us." He clenches his fist.

"Regardless, I cannot deny my feelings for you. Ultimately, I will leave the choice up to you."

A chair is pulled over to be near Dimitri, not wanting to be too far from the other man. He listens, watching attentively, then glances down before he holds out his hand to Dimitri.

"It's... okay. I feel the same way, but I wasn't going to blame you if you had changed your mind," Byleth says softly. "I know there's a lot happening, and you've been through so much. I would have understood."

Notably, his expression brightens. "Still, here we are. I don't know how long I've felt this way. Maybe when you first made me smile. Either way, I want to be with you and not lose that chance."